We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
