Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dicks are not precious.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
