you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
