Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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