Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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