and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
