Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
