I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
