Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
