Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
