i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
