He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
