He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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