Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
