It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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