Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
