Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
