I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
