I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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