She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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