dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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