K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
