Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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