i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
