dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
