I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
