Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
