I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
