She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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