Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
