Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
