This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
