How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
