Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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