I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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