woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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