im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
