we're chasing vodka with high fives
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
