Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Houston, we have a blender
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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