Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
