I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
