Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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