I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
