We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
