there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
