wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
