I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize