she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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