told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
