Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
two words...techno handjob
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
