i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
