I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
