I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
