On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You just made me feel so damn special
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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