remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
