Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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