so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
