So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
