i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize