he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
