my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
