I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize