Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
