I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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