my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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