ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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