Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
