Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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