I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
