return my video game
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
