I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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