i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fuck appropriateness.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
