And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
