yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
