So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
