so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
