But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
